October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. When that month rolls around, I feel myself breathing a sigh of relief. It’s like this month gives me permission to feel and express my grief more publicly. I am grateful for that. Although I know I have permission to share my daughter and my grief journey whenever I please, it’s just not that easy. Of course I think about her every day. She is woven into my thoughts, all my dreams, and into everything I do. She is part of me; she is part of who I am. That’s why when people don’t know about Gianna, I feel that they don’t know ME. But not everyone understands what it’s like to lose a child and that makes the topic difficult to bring up. Death isn’t so easily woven into our everyday conversations and dealings with others, so Gianna is most of the time left unmentioned. My hope is that this month makes it easier for people to talk about their deceased children and make the honoring of their children more public. And in turn, may they receive the support and love they need as they walk this life without their child by their side. This is precisely what it means to move from grief to mourning. And once we allow ourselves to mourn, we allow ourselves to become deeply touched and transformed by our loss. [Read more…]